"They say there is a young lady is who is beloved of that Great Being, who made and rules the world, and that there are certain seasons in which this Great Being, in some way or other invisible, comes to her and fills her mind with exceeding sweet delight, and that she hardly cares for anything, except to meditate on Him-that she expects after a while to be received up where He is, to be raised up out of the world and caught up into heaven; being assured that He loves her too well to let her remain at a distance from Him always. There she is to dwell with Him, and to be ravished with His love and delight forever. Therefore, if you present all the world before her, with the richest of its treasures, she disregards it, and cares not for it, and is unmindful of any pain or affliction. She has a strange sweetness in her mind, and singular purity in her affections; is most just and conscientious in all her conduct; and you could not persuade her to do anything wrong or singul, if you would give her all the world, lest she should offend this Great Being. She is of a wonderful sweetness, calmness and universal benevolence of mind; especially after this Great God has manifested Himself to her mind. She will sometimes go about from place to place, singing sweetly; and seems to be always full of joy and pleasure; and no one knows for what. She loves to be alone, walking in the fields and groves, and seems to have someone invisible always conversing with her."
-Jonathan Edwards; when he was twenty years old. About his future wife, which he has never met or seen before.
Wow seriously, I saw this and i was like what the heck. This girl is known for all this, and even people who have never met her know her as a daughter of God. As someone who is completely sold out to Him. Completely in love and faithfully His, no matter what is offered to her. No matter what she is tempted with. No matter who her friends are. No matter what circumstances weigh her down. She simply just loves being with Him, more than anything else.
And this is known by not only people that know her, and that she knows; but by people who talk to her, people who see her, and people who have never even MET her. How amazing is that? That is what I trully desire to be known as. This is trully how I want and need to be like. Completely set apart, completely set unto Him. Completely consumed with His presence daily. Completely satisfied with just being with Him. Theres nothing I want more than that.
I'm so close to getting there, but so completely far away.. at the same time. I mean of course theres sin in my life. And theres areas where I just completely suck. But I'm not on the wrong path. I'm just simply human, and simply a sinner. But that doesnt mean that I'm not close and in love with Him. Just like when youre riding a horse, when you fall off.. that doesnt mean you weren't riding the horse. It just means that you lost control at one moment. And whether you decide to get back on, or not, because youre afraid you might fall again; is up to you. But I am on that horse. Yeah I fall off sometimes, but that doesn't mean I wasn't riding to the best of my ability before. Because I am. I am so close to God right now. I'm simply human. Theres simply sin in my bloodstream. So whether I want to sin or not, has nothing to do with the fact that I am absolutely not perfect. of course, I don't want to sin. What TRUE lover of Christ does? Like it says in Romans 5 6 or 7 i forget which chapter..
7What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet."[b] 8But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. 9Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. 10I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death.
11For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. 12So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. 13Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
I don't expect you to read all that..but basically;
I dont want to sin. I desire whole heartily to run after God, and be holy and righteous before Him, and to be just like Him...
But I dont want to do, I do. And what I want to do I dont do.
It is because sin is living in me. It is in my human nature, it is in my bloodstream. And God's grace covers that. Of course, by that grace I cannot go on sinning whenever I want to. That would be so stupid. But if I do sin out of weakness, even when I trully don't want to.. it is because I am not perfect, and I fall short. Every human does. And therefore, there is no condemnation because i am in christ.
Of course I need to repent and really cling to God and really trust in Him and ask Him to help me with my sin. But just because I DO sin; does not mean that I am completely IN sin.
You catch my drift.
Man I love God.
Hes teaching me so much right now.
really, read that. Because its so vital I think that we know this.
I could be wrong. But I believe this with my whole heart. =]